Cobra [1986] Review

[EXTERNAL REVIEW] [REDACTED] will be doing a full review of it in time, safe to say it started with quality ’80s moments wanted in action films, bad graphics, cops with attitude and mad killers and more but then it did descend into a fantastical Stallone fest with a very very tenuous plot as it went on! Almost too much! 😂😂

Crime is a disease. Meet the cure: Stallone, who is Cobra, the strong arm of the law, with a cobra-engraved gun.

From the opening 80’s credits with a sunset-silhouetted motorcycle, straight into the modified 1950 Mercury Monterrey with the number plate ‘Awsom 50’, I knew this was going to be a classic Stallone.

The car pulls up and Cobra, from the LAPD’s “Zombie Squad”, steps out and instantly takes charge of the situation. They’ve called in the big guns as no one else wants to go into the supermarket where there is an armed hostage situation.

Cobra creeps about very stealthily, making sure that everyone can see their body as they move around corners and the camera can see the extreme monochrome lights and all of the crew in Stallone’s large sunglasses’ reflection.

[To Cobra] Did you have to kill the guy? We all have rights! “[Cobra] Because as long as we have to play by these bulls**t rules and the killer doesn’t, we’re gonna lose.” Lots more 80’s language throughout, such as “[To Cobra] You know almost every sicko in this city, shake em down, do what you have to do to get a lead on this maniac.” “[Cobra] If I find him?“ “[To Cobra] Do what you do best.”

They’re ‘shaking down’ the ‘sicko[s]’ but it keeps cutting to low-budget silver robots with every drum strike. Don’t worry, it’s just Brigitte Nielsen in a photoshoot.

In true 80’s editing semi-montage, the lyric, “edge of a knife,” cuts to sharpening a knife.

They enter the club after some roughing up and we find some more of the ’80s, this time in the form of skimpy clothing.

In the car park, in a bizarre sequence of events, the bad guy gives the command “kill her” and then proceeds to drive the car himself, ramming it into the guard for some reason.

Next, more sharpening of the knife but this time, they’re really, really, sweaty. For some reason, Stallone has a complete private database with the guy’s face and their recently dyed hair.

In fairness, Stallone does do a good job of protecting the girl aside from the fact that he keeps doing outrageous car stunts, which would get them both killed, was this not an 80’s Stallone action movie.

Additionally, I feel as if I should mention the banging 80’s soundtrack, most of which is on the radio station.

Nearing the end, like [REDACTED] said, everything goes a bit off although there still are some brief moments in between the bad action. Lines such as, “Where are we going?” “You have to ask Cobra, he’s the expert on this.”

After killing 40 people (really) we have a momentary break in a factory. Oh, no, Stallone’s shot one thing and now the whole building’s on fire.

It comes around again for Cobra when the psychopath says that “Murder is against the law. You have to take me in… pig [NB: excessive use of ‘pig’ as character development].” This would be a good moment where Stallone not to have just killed 40 henchmen and a police double-crosser. In short, Cobra incinerates the guy after first impaling him on a metal hook [NB: This is rated PG in Singapore.]

“[After your feat of bravery in killing these 41 unidentified people and not taking them into court as literally, everyone has been pleading you to do prior (AN: I don’t agree with your methods or your attitude, but you’re the best damn cop I’ve seen in 20 years, I’ll give you that!), I have changed my mind,] Cobra, you did a hell of a job here; you ever want to get a transfer from the zombie squad, or you need anything, just say the word.”

IMDb Trivia: Ric Waite confirmed a rumour that Stallone was the true director of the film, calling credited director George P. Cosmatos a good producer, but a bad director.

The original rough cut was over two hours long. Due to concerns, it might not be a hit, the final cut was 87 minutes… A great deal of plot detail was either removed or sped up… resulting in numerous continuity errors.

Sylvester Stallone had asked knife designer Herman Schneider to create a knife that audiences would never forget.

Sylvester Stallone said he got the idea for the LAPD’s “Zombie Squad” from a real-life Zombie Squad in Belgium, comprised of cops who go out at night and handle crazed criminals on their own terms.

Thompson repeatedly asked Stallone about his character Nightslasher, like how Stallone would want Thompson to play him, the character’s background, his reasons for doing what he’s doing, but Stallone wasn’t interested in explaining Thompson’s character and he basically told him that he is evil because he is evil. In an unfortunate surprise for Thompson, when filming of the movie was finished, director George P. Cosmatos told Thompson, “You could have been good if you had listened to me” which he didn’t take too kindly to. Thompson referred to him as a “pale chain smoker”.

None of the supporting cast or crew were allowed to talk to Sylvester Stallone during filming. Lee Garlington felt a little ostracized from the rest of the cast since Sylvester Stallone barely talked to her. However, when reshoots occurred about two weeks later, Stallone sat with her during lunch and felt much better and understood why he had been ignoring her. She said it was the greatest conversation she’s ever had.

The Paula Gosling novel ‘Fair Game’ on which “Cobra” is based is also called ‘A Running Duck’. When the movie came out Sylvester Stallone allegedly wanted the novel reissued with himself credited as the author. Ms Gosling declined the offer.

For Nightslasher’s monologue in the final confrontation with Cobra, Brian Thompson did the scene with the script girl because Sylvester Stallone was off watching a basketball game on television.

Thompson questioned both George P. Cosmatos and the Special Effects person about the Bondo squib hits that had real charges that were supposed to go off when Sylvester Stallone shoots at him in the scene. Thompson asked to hold the shot and asked “What would happen if these charges go off?” in which the F/X person told him “It’s not going to happen you have the leather jacket” and Thompson said, “What about the bottom of my chin?”. However, Thompson states that Cosmatos wanted to do it in one take and Thompson disputes that it could’ve been done in several takes, one involving him and then a shot of his stunt double. Cosmatos refused to listen to Thompson and what Thompson had said actually happened and left him with a bloody chin and neck.

The opening credits font is identical to the one that had been used for the ‘Rambo’ logo the previous year, and would forevermore be associated with that series.

Body count: 52, 41 are killed by Cobra.

Best quote: “You’re the disease, and I’m the cure.”

Alternate title(s): “Cobra, el brazo fuerte de la ley”

I’m the context of the film, [REDACTED] rates it a 5.5/10 and I rate it 7/10.